What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.
We're currently filming the pilot.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail? Silly Con Valley.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
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