What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
"Your kisses are to dye for."
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
How would you be able to prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
This vacation has been sand-sational!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Is this a science class? Because we have great chemistry.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why couldn't the cowboy get down from his horse?
Because you can only get down from a goose.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was much too kneady.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
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