A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf!
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
I love when you coddle me.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Those who study the moon for their course or as a habit, are optimists. And that is because they look at the brighter side always.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Go to BabaMail
