Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
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