Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
That was thaw-some!
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
I find you very a-peeling.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
It takes one to snow one.
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
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