Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
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