We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
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