What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
Go to BabaMail
