Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Go to BabaMail
