What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
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