When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Go to BabaMail
