What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
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