What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
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