SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.