Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
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