Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
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