The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
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