My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
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