A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
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