How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.