What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
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