What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.