My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."