A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
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