What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
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