What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
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