What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.