What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!