I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
A few years ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
Me and my friend were going to a costume party. He told me he was coming as a small island off the coast of Italy.
I said don’t be Sicily.
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.
I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy,
but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
What do pups eat in Italy?
Pawsta.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
Did you hear ISIS is spreading to Italy?
Nobody's concerned though, since it's just Italian ISIS and they're delicious. Especially cherry flavor.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Where do recluses live in Spain?
Barceloner.
Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?
They call it a pez dispenser.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Why did Italy surrender in WW2?
Because Italics aren't bold.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
What milk comes from Spain?
Soy Milk.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?
His name was Only One Cannoli.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
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