What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
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