A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires