What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
Car puns are really tiring
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
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