I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
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