I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Car puns are really tiring
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
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