I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
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