How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
Car puns are really tiring
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
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