Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.