What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Car puns are really tiring
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
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