Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Car puns are really tiring
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What are police cars made of?
Copper
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
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