I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Car puns are really tiring
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.