Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
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