Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
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