I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
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