What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
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