How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
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