How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
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