Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
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