What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
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