Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
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