My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
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