Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
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