I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
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