Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
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