What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
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