All farts...are laughing gas.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.