Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Only a**holes use bidets.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
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