My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
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