My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
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