Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
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