What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
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