I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
All farts...are laughing gas.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
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