Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
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