After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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