Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
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