Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
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