Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
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