Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
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