I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Go to BabaMail
