Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
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