I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Bad puns are how eye roll.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
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