What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Say you'll be wine."
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"Be kind, re-wine."
You’re wine in a million.
"I need to re-wine my life."
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
"Adulting makes me wine."
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
"Sip happens."
"Read between the wines."
"Love the wine you're with."
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"On cloud wine."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
"You had me at merlot."
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
"Back that glass up."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock