Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
"Rosé all day."
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Alcohol you later."
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
"Sip, sip hooray."
"Time to wine down."
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
"You can't sip with us."
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Adulting makes me wine."
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
"You're the wine that I want."
"Say you'll be wine."
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
"Sip happens."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
"You had me at merlot."
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!