"On cloud wine."
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
"Be kind, re-wine."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
"I need to re-wine my life."
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
"Love the wine you're with."
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Rosé all day."
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
"Say you'll be wine."
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
"Time to wine down."
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
"Adulting makes me wine."
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
"You're the wine that I want."
"Great minds drink alike."
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!