On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears