How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.