One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!