What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.