What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.