Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?