If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.