The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.