Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.