Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.