I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.