I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.