Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”