Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.