What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”