What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.