All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”