Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.