Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!