What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!