Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!