Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.