While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
You’re wine in a million.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I love you from my head tomato
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.