How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!