A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.