It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
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What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
"You can't sip with us."
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
"Sip happens."
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!