If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!